someone's missing me...

just today my mom handed me hubby's card...i was surprised because i was not expecting any letter from him since he will be in philippines for only 2months to check on our house...after that, he will fly back in malaysia or singapore for work so i also decided not to send him any letters...hehehe...well, we always call each other so i thought okay na yun...anyway, when i read the card it says there that he miss me a lot and the things we do together...i felt so guilty and sad upon reading it...i told myself that if not for the things that i've asked, hindi kami magkalayo ngayon...


hubby already bought a house for us way back 2000 because we decided to stay in the philippines for good...when i went home last 2002 for our civil wedding, i saw the house for the first time...it was okay BUT i get scared whenever hubby leaves me alone there...i don't even go out...hehehe...one time when i opened the window to see what's happening outside, i heard the kids saying "may multo may multo"...hahahaha! so, mother in law would visit me and encourage me to go out...i was hesitant but eventually i said yes...she introduced me to our neighbours and all of them were nice and kind naman...then, when i came back last 2004 to visit hubby, hindi na naman ako lumalabas...i was too scared of our new male neighbour who is very loudand scary looking...and our other neighbour wakes me up as early as 8am because she and her husband are having karaoke time...hayyy...i told hubby that im not happy with the place...and i don't feel safe din...he said "ay we can find a nice place po that you like"...i was very happy when i heard that and we went to sta.rosa estates the next weekend...the place is nice but its TOO quiet and expensive...hehehe...so, our next stop was laguna bel-air 3...the first time i saw it, i like it na...they have swimming pool, lagoon, and school inside the subdivision...i told hubby that if we have kids na, we can just enroll them there and pwede ko sila hatid-sundo...hubby said okay again but i know deep inside he's worried how hes goin' to pay the house in just 10yrs...i told him that i can go back in canada for 1 yr and work so that i can help pay the house...he said "no" because he knew im finishing my degree that time...we were blessed because hubby got a good job in 2005...he was able to pay the house and at the same time save for our church wedding...i was surprised though that he plans to pay the house in 3yrs time...sabi ko 10yrs na lang so that its not too much for him...he said 3yrs is okay since he has plans to go to singapore or malaysia for work...i got sad because i know that if he's in malaysia or singapore, i will be left alone in philippines and so i told him that i will just come back in canada to be with my parents while he is working...i can't be with him din naman in malaysia and singapore because he will be at work all the time...he said that sometimes, he comes home late and even work during weekends...

last march 5, we said our goodbyes...he went to malaysia for 5months work and i went back here to be with my parents and process my citizenship...i was crying the day before he left and asked him why we have to be apart...i didn't realize then that he is doing this for me...i didn't realize that this is a big sacrifice for him...now, i feel guilty...i feel sad...i feel guilty because i've asked something that i know is too much for him...i feel sad because i know that even during weekends he still works...i also feel sad because during those times, im not there to take care of him...

right now, i am praying to Him that my plans will push through this november...i will post it tomorrow once i get the good news...im crossing my fingers and toes for this...=)